NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by the
physicians at Watsamata Medical Center.  The element, tentatively named
Adminsitratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic number
of 0 (zero)  However, it does have one neuTron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75
vice-neutrons and 111 assistant vice-neutrons.  This gives it an atomic mass
number of 312.  These 312 particles are held together in the nucleus by
meson-like particles called memos.  Since it has no electrons, Adminstratium
is inert.  However, it can be detected chemically, as it impedes every
reaction it comes in contact with.

According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Adminstratium caused one
reaction to take four days to complete when it would normally take one
second.  Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately 3 years, at
which time it does not acively decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization
in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons and assistant vice-neutrons
exchange places.  Some studies have shown that the attomic mass number
actually increases after reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere.  It tends to condense and concentrate at
certain points such as universities, government agencies, and corporations,
and can usually be found in the newest, best-appointed and best maintained
buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is know to be toxic at any level of
concentration, and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is
allowed to accumulate.  Attempts are being made to determine how
Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results
to date are not encouraging.

Source unknown