What Driving to the Store Would Be Like if Operating Systems Ran Your Car

by Ken Weaverling (weave@dtcc.edu) .. I think. He may have just been the person that posted this. I got it more than a year ago if that helps. :)

MS-DOS

You get in the car and try to remember where you put your keys.

Windows

You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly because attached to the back of the car is a freight train.

Windows NT

You get in the car and write a letter that says, "go to the store." Then you get out of the car and mail the letter to your dashboard.

Windows NT (again)

You get in the car and arrive at the store only to find that is is closed for remodeling and expansion and will reopen "real soon now."

Macintosh System 7

You get in the car to go to the store, and the car drives you to church.

UNIX

You get in the car and type GREP STORE. After reaching speeds of 200 miles per hour en route, you arrive at the barber shop.

Taligent/Pink

You walk to the store with Ricardo Montalban, who tells you how wonderful it will be when he can fly you to the store in his Learjet.

OS/2

After fueling up with 6,000 gallons of gas, you get in the car and drive to the store with a motorcycle escort and a marching band in procession. Halfway there, the car blows up, killing everyone in town.

S/36 SSP [mainframe, obv.]

You get in the car and drive to the store. Halfway there you run out of gas. While walking the rest of the way you are run over by kids on mopeds.

OS/400

An attendant locks you into the car and then drives you to the store, where you get to watch everybody else buy filet mignons.

VMS

You get in your car and virtually drive to the store. On your way to the store your car gets bigger and bigger, and you have to make the road wider and wider until you finally reach the store and can't get the car into the parking lot.

PRIMOS

You get in the car and arrive at the store only to find that they have closed their doors and are not doing business anymore.