Enjoy! :)

                               CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

Element:		Woman
Symbol:			Wo
Discoverer:		Adam
Quantitative Anaylsis:  Accepted at 36-24-36, though isotopes ranging from
			25-10-25 to 60-55-60 have been identified.
Occurance:		Found wherever Man is, but seldom in the highly
			reactive, energetic singlet state.  Surplus quantities
			in all urban areas.
Physical Properties:	Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at 
			absolutely nothing and freezes at a moments notice.
			Totally unpredictable.  Melts when properly treated,	
			very bitter if not well used.  Found in various
			states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
			Non-magnetic, but attracted to money and sports
			cars.  In its natural shape, the specimen varies
			considerably, but it is often changed artifically
			so well that the change is indiscernable except
			to the experienced eye.
Chemical Properties:	Has great affinity for Au, Ag, and C, especially
			in the crystalline form.  May give violent reaction
			if left alone.  Will absorb great amounts of food
			matter.  Highly desired reaction is initiated with
			various reagents such as C(2)-H(5)-OH, and sexy
			aftershave lotions.  An essential catalyst is often
			required (you must say you love her at least five
			times daily).  Reaction accelerates when in the
			dark and all reaction conditions are suitable.
			Extremely difficult to react if in the highly stable
			pure form.  Yields to pressure applied at the correct
			points.  The reaction is highly exothermic.
Storage:  Best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25 years.
Uses:     Highly ornamental.  Used as a tonic for low spirits.  Used on
	  lonely nights as a heating agent - if properly prepared.
Tests: 	  Pure specimens turn rosy tint if discovered in raw, natural state.
	  Turns green if placed beside a better specimen.
Caution:  Most powerful reducing agent known to Man (income and ego).  Highly
	  explosive in inexperienced hands.  Specimen must be used with 
	  great care if experiments are to succeed.

NOTE:	It is illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen, though
	a certain amount of exchange is permitted.

Return to the home page.