NOMORE.TXT

The Death of Afril in the Blue Mountains of FurryMuck

Afril wanders through the snow, barely feeling the cold. A thin robe is his
only clothing and it has long since lost any ability to hold heat in. He
stumbles across a boulder, falling, Extremities already stiff and half-frozen.
All he feels is the pain and anger. "Why Can't you marry her, you Ass? Are you
so Damnded afraid that you will be tied down if you do, or is it you don't Love
her as much as you thought!" Eyes fill with tears that freeze on his cheeks as
he thinks of boojum. "And I sent you away... But you sure as Hell didn't lift a
claw to Stop me Either, Did you 'Love'?" He sneers  at the image.. Feeling fear
and pain gnaw at his heart... Dragging himself back up he stumbles on, no
longer caring that he can hardly see.

Darkness comes and he sits, shivering with more than cold. "To Die... Alone."
he sniggers. "I am not going to die alone - I have all my friends with me..
Fear, Hatred, Jealousy.." He closes his eyes and lays his head against a snow-
covered rock. "They all have someone else - Even my 'Soul-mate' has others. I
have no one.. And yet, I have them all.. Everyone who made me feel like a cub,
stuttering my desires. All who have held my paw and kissed me and made me feel
life is worthwhile." He puts his paws in his lap, not noticing they are whiter
than they should be. Afril feels drowsy, like all the self-hatred and loathing
and pettiness has burned through him, leaving an empty shell. He sobs again,
but no tears flow.. "Why can't I love without the baggage? Why can't I just
Love someone, and that's it - No Fears I am not good enough or that they will
reject me.. That they will laugh at my feeble attempts to bring them pleasure,
and toss me aside like a piece of trash..."

He puts his head in his arms and hears the wind blow. "No - It is not really
anyone's fault my heart is so easily turned. So many Lovers and Loves. So much
pleasure... Turned to ash because of one thing or another." He shivers again,
thinking on past Lovers. Some of whom he walked away from because He didn't
want to hurt them more. Even though he died inside, he tried to do the 'Noble
Thing'. "Noble - Hah! Jealousy, Desire... I could have just Loved Them. Hugged
and kissed and been with them.. But Nooo. I Gotta have Sex with them, or my
miserable foxhood isn't worth Spit. As if it was worth Anything Anyway..." he
looks upwards and can't see the moon, can't feel the wind, and finds he doesn't
care.. "I was born alone, abandoned, Raped and tossed into the Grinder of life.
I shall Die alone, Not even so much as someone to Spit on me." Wearily he
slumps, no longer able to feel his arms, legs, tail.

"Perhaps it is best... At least I can't hurt anyone, Break any more hearts.
Perhaps The others will forgive me in time.. I don't think I can Ever forgive
myself." He thinks of his last loves.. Knowing that he has Lost them all in one
way or another.. And also knowing he never really Had anyone to lose. 'My one
regret is never finding my True Love - If such a person ever existed.' His
chest moves.. Again. Shudders, and with a sigh, is still. The scars of pain,
fear, self-hatred are more pronounced on his muzzle, but even so, there is a
sense of peace and calm about the figure that was only held in moments in life.
A gust of wind blows snow over it, and nothing is left except an icicle of blue
ear-fur.


The End, And the Beginning.