PANDURA8.TXT

The New Goaltender - By SwampRat
(c) 1992 The Rashathran Society

"Where's The New Goalie?" One of the Outer Guards growled, impatient to get on
with the carnage. A fox stretched. "Coach's talking to him now.." Charlie
handed me a blue sash, which I tied around my waist. "Nothing fancy..
Understand? Just keep the sharka's in the bucket. Now.. The rules are no
Spilling of Blood. No Using Magic (If possible). No Flying. And you Must stay
within the field." I smiled.. "That's it? Nothing about Chewing on Butts? Or
tweaking nipples? No Ban on stroking sheaths?" I grinned nastily. "Oooo.. I'm
Gonna Like This Game!" The wolverine just shook his head and pointed me towards
the area.

                             * * *

"Morning.." The twin foxes who were my flankers shook their heads. The bear
and wolves looked disgusted. "A friggin Twink." I shrugged. "Want to forfeit?
If not, I'm it.." And batted my lashes at the mountain of fur. He growled but
accepted the fact. Flankers and Warriors, They had.. But it takes a Special
type to be Goalie. Someone not in splints.. And since All substitutions Have to
be Listed... They were stuck with me. Then the fun Really began! "I'm Robbie,
and he is Johnnie." The other fox nodded to me. Since nobody had come across to
us Yet, we were rooting on our Warriors. "Way to go Tir.." As one of the
Wolves put a nasty tackle on a Green-striped Flanker. I was busy watching the
near-nude males bounce and sway and jiggle..

A wolf made an end-run towards us. Got past One of the foxes, and then the
other. I spread my legs slightly and waited for him.. "Good Day, Male.." He
growled, "Fig!" And took a swing at me. I grabbed the hand and twisted it up
behind his back.. Jerked him to me. "You're kinda cute.." He howled and
struggled.. "But not That cute! 5 Silver indeed! What an insult.." I grabbed
his neck, and propelled him back into the arms of Robbie, who had managed to
rise. They both fell in a heap. "Robbie.. Be a dear and take out the Trash."
Without even looking, I caught the bottle thrown at me. Carefully rolled it out
of the field. "Mustn't have somebody cutting themselves.. Hey!" I yelled at one
of the foxes. "Is there any rule against tunneling?" He shook his head, then
fended off another attack. I smiled, and walking back, removed the three sticks
from their kah, and waited a moment.

The referee's conversed furiously.. But there was nothing about removing one's
Own Sharkas, either. "What the? What the hell are you.." I held up my hand.
Then pointed to the wooden structure. Which was vibrating.. Everything stopped
for a moment as the news went through the field. All of a sudden, a pair of
skunks jumped out of a hole... And found no sticks to Grab! "Gentlemen.." I
gestured to the foxes. "Would you kindly escort these two back to the other
side of the Border." They shook their heads, but did as I asked. "Oh Ref?" A
Badger standing on the sidelines waddled over. "Yes, Poof?" I smiled. "The name
is Zarren.. And can we get somebody over here to fill in that Hole before
somebody steps in it and Breaks Something?" He sighed.. But nodded. "We got 5
minutes till Break. Keep yer feet away for that long.." I nodded, replacing the
sharkas..

And so, when recess was called, a pair of big-types stomped the ground around
the tunnel. I sat on the bench and dabbed at my forehead. "Hot work.." Charlie
growled at me.. "Oh?" I nodded. "I mean.. Those Bears ought to Wear More. It
almost obscene the way they bounce and jiggle, and.." I bit my lower lip.
"It's all I can do not to jump on them And plant Hickeys all over those big,
furry bellies!" He shook his head and muttered. "Be a dear and tell the
Waterboy to get me a dipperful.."

                             * * *

The whistle blew and we went at it again.. Hmmm. A gray fox was sauntering
towards us. His vest held an orange stripe, and he was trying not to wobble Too
badly. I suppressed a laugh.. Barely. He made his way past the pair of foxes,
who were too busy rolling on the ground to be much help anyway, and sashayed
over to me. Batted his lashes.. What Bad Acting! "Good Day, Love.." I felt like
asking what they promised him to make the poor fur do this. What the hell.. I
took his limp hand and giggled. The reaction was interesting.. Cracked the mask
That time! We chatted for a minute, then he got down to what he wanted.. And
it Wasn't to see my tattoo's, either! "These your Sharka's?" I nodded. "Kinda
plain. I think they would be better with some pink stripes.." He stiffened up.
Then relaxed.. Hit another Button. This Was Too Easy.. I lifted one and put it
in his hands.. Stroking the fingers as I did so. His jaw locked, so his teeth
wouldn't snap shut in disgust. And the tension in the back of his hand.. It was
all I could do not to burst.

"Yes.. I see." I smiled prettily. "Here, Love." I took it back, and grabbed his
pants. The fox's eyes went wide.. He barely held in a squawk when I opened the
waistband and looked inside. "Nice.." Then slid the pole in, watching him
squirm. Gave his crotch a pat. "After the game, How about I come over and play
with your stick.." he hesitated, then gave me the most brief kiss I Almost
had.. As he turned, I grabbed his butt. Squeezed it. "And tell your coach I
was Not deceived.. You are no more Gay than I am." He jerked and looked over
his shoulder at me. I grinned and ruffled his tail-hair. "Better get, before I
change my mind, and Jump yer bones Here and Now.. There's No Rule about Rape,
Either!" I never saw anybody move so fast in all my life. I laughed 'till tears
ran down my cheeks..

                             * * *

When we returned, Charlie waited until I was sitting.. "Do you know What you
did?" I nodded. "I gave a stick to a Tight-bunned fox.. And made sure we Stay
in the game." He stopped in mid-snap. "What?!?" I crossed my legs. "Charlie..
Use the organ between your ears. How many Teams have gone Without having at
least 1 sharka being taken.." I could see the wheels turn. "None.. Now, What
would you do to a team that had an Attack-Lizard chained to the kah.. Find a
way to get rid of the Lizard. Or Get together with the other Captains and have
The Team Banned.. Right?" He nodded slowly. "Besides, the Warriors need
something to do besides go out and strangle the local fauna. Give them Some
incentive.." The wolverine growled again, But with a Grin.

                             * * *

"Here, Twink.." One of the wolves tossed me a stick. It was Green, Where all
ours were Blue. "A Present? You shouldn't have.." I put the sharka in with
ours. And for some time, all I had to do was watch. The few Warriors that made
it past the foxes got their anatomy fondled. Those that Didn't jump and run
took a swing at me. And They got dumped on their butts.. Pretty soon, Nobody
wanted to have Anything to do with our sticks. Until.. A Rabbit came speeding
past the pair, who watched with dismay, having their hands full at the moment.
The animal bounced around like a flea on a hot rock.. I didn't bother following
his antics, I just waited.. And them stamped my foot. And he obligingly jumped
right into it. "Ooof!" I lifted the animal up. "Next time, Zig.." Then flung
him upwards, giving the rodent a spin. Caught him. "Upsie-Daisy!" Again I
tossed the fur to the sky, making sure he had good twist.. Caught him again,
then twirled him a few times more.. Gave his butt a boot. "Too small.. Pity."
The foxes chuckled, watching what looked like a thoroughly drunk mammal stagger
off up the playfield. Barely..

I stood there a moment.. Then crossed my arms. "Well.." I waited a bit more.
Then snapped my hand out and snarled a command. Out of a clear-blue sky, a bolt
of lightning hit the playfield.. Everything went dead silent... Then the refs
exploded! One of the foxes came over to me somewhat jerkily. "What the Hell did
you do That for?" I smiled. "Sniff.." He did so. "That smell Ain't my
perfume.." He looked at me. "Then.." I shook my head. "Amateurs. Stealth-cloaks
do Hide one. But they Don't deaden sound.." I clapped my hands. A wind sprang
up and blew a mana-powered apparatus off a fur. Who didn't have any! The
feline was standing there, with his hand outstretched, smoldering. "Perhaps
somebody had better get him to the bench.." The referee's had a grand old time,
trying to decide who to hit with What penalty. They were Not Amused by the
Cloak. Neither was the other Team's Leader. When Break was called, the Canine
came over and Shook my hand.

"Dandy or Not. That was a piece of work.. My Thanks." I nodded, then snapped a
salute to the animal. Who automatically repeated it.. "May There be more bodies
on your grave, than Hairs on your Ass!" I said in Mathokian. He grinned
nastily. "So.. A Warrior in Poof's disguise." We gripped hands again.. I
pressed my muzzle to his, grabbed his tail, and hooked his leg. The canine was
down on the ground, eyes wide.. Jumped back up with a laugh. Shook his head.
"Very Good. What Clan?" I looked around.. Then jerked my robe open, flashing
the fur. He growled again. "Bastard.." I grinned. "This is Just Temporary.. A
Favor to a friend." Jerked my thumb at the wolverine, who was sweating buckets
at watching us. "Next time we meet, I shall be a spectator, howling about how
blind the ref's are.." We both laughed.. The setter took a piece of paper from
his robe. It was the same orange as the stripe on his vest. "Season Pass.." I
smiled and Handed him a ticket.

"Inner Row. Next Mid-day, 7 PM. We have about a dozen Dan matches scheduled.
SwordMaster Haie is going to show us the Steel Waterfall Technique.. If you
think you can stand being packed in with a bunch of Poof's..." He growled, but
put the ticket away. "Die Well, Warrior." I smiled. "Die Hard, Live Well, And
Hope Nobody Pisses in The Beer.. Again!" The setter shook his head and walked
off. "What was That all about?" I sat down and drank some water. "A Date.. We
Do have Dates, You Know." He stared at the receding back. "With.." I nodded.
The wolverine threw his hands up in the air. "I Give Up!"

                             * * *

Things were pretty quiet the last Period. The foxes kept the few hardy souls at
bay, and I got to pant over so many scantily-clad males.. Until the Steamroller
came in. Green decided they were going to lose Anyway, so why bother with
rules.. Saving face Was another matter. We had a Sharka. They wanted it back..
So they sent us a delegation, consisting of three Big Bruins. With the attitude
of a pack of rabid wolverines.. They went Through the Foxes. And stomped
towards me, claws gleaming.. "Twink, Prepare to Hurt!" I looked over at
Charlie, who shrugged Helplessly.. Sighed. "I guess talking is out of the
question?" GROWL.. "Thought not. Well.. I was hoping Not to have to do this.
But..." I took my robe off. They sniggered. "Think that is going to help? We
are going to pound your queer ass into the Ground.. Wha?" My Chest glowed.. A
Ring of Power appeared at my feet. Moved upwards, Spinning.. As it did, my body
changed. Armor-plated scales gleamed on my legs. My new tail had no hair..
Which was normal for Reptiles. I also gained a bit of height.. When the Ring
had cleared my head, I lifted my legs apart, and spread my arms wide.

"Furrys.." The trio went slightly green. "Master Bring Ithka Furries.." I
wrapped my tail around the bucket. "Furries want Sticks? Come and Get Them!" I
bent my snout down and grinning nastily, puffed flame out of my nostrils.. The
three Bears passed out. "Damn! All that work, and they don't want to play.." I
shrugged. Then let the 'illusion' ripple, and returned to Fur. Put my robe back
on. "Sorry 'bout the 20 points..." The pair of furs lying on the ground moaned.
" 's Okay.." One of the wolf Guards gingerly came over. "You Really do That?" I
grinned. "Simple Trick.. The Hard Part is using a dead Species.. I mean, Do You
know What a Dragon Looks Like?" He shook his head. "Neither do I.. But it
Works." He tossed me the third Blue stick. I put it back in the bucket.. And
the Refs had another field day, scribbling and arguing.

                             * * *

The last whistle blew.. I returned to the bench. "Sorry about losing the Game
for ya, Charlie." He grinned.. "Now, Charlie.." His grin got wider. "Charles..
Get ahold of yourself." The fur leaped on me.. "You Son Of A Bitch!" I put my
hand on the back of his neck, ready to put him out if he continued on.. And he
kissed me! I stared at the creature, who was laughing and pounding my chest.
Then the animal slapped a ribbon in my hand. It said 'First.' I looked up at
him. "And.." He danced. "We Won. You Bastard Fig! Green forfeited when they
sent half their Goon-Squad after you. And Orange got Yanked.. Lost their
Sharkas." I nodded. "So we won backing-in.. As it were." The animal jumped and
leapt and Hugged the Waterboy! The wombat Stared at him.. I shrugged. "Well, It
was Fun.. But I have to get back to work." He nodded.. Then tried to shake my
arm off! "Charlie.." "Yes?" "My hand.." "Oh.." He stopped trying to mash the
appendage and let it go. "Thanks.." He shook his head. "That was Some
Illusion.." I smiled. "I thought so. So did Three others.." He grinned and
slapped me on the back. "So. What you doing Next BrokeDay?" "Watching.. From
The Stands."

The wolverine sighed. "I guess it's for the best. My Heart couldn't stand
another day of your antics.." We walked out together. "Is SwordMaster Haie
Really A.. You know..." I smiled. "The Mercenary Clans Don't care Who you bed.
Long as you live Through the Initiation, You are in.." He stared at me. "Long
as you.." I nodded. "Failure rate is about 1 in 3. Just don't have the Guts..
Or Sneakiness. I made it through because I could think fast. And am not above
underhanded tricks.. Like licking my opponents nose when we are in a clinch."
Charlie growled.. "See you at the Next Gathering?" The others had dressed by
now, and were milling around with the Gallery. They perked up their ears,
Trying to listen without being Too obvious about it. He Growled. "Rashathran
Society Hall.. Second Floor. Mertha will be there.." The wolverine suddenly
brightened. "I think She's sweet on ya.." He growled again. "What makes you
think so?" I shrugged. "Perhaps the way she stuck her tongue in your ear.. And
I saw Your sneak your hand through her tail-hole.. Firm, Ain't they."

Charlie turned red and sputtered.. I chuckled, and walked off. To be waylaid by
a certain Setter. "Illusion Is the Official Word. I don't swallow it for a
moment!" I patted his cheek. "You spit it out? How wasteful." He growled.
"Come on.. I Saw the Scorched Patches. Give.. How did you do it..." As we
walked onward, I lifted my sleeve, and carefully peeled back the 'skin' on my
hand. To reveal glittering scales.. "His Heart isn't the Only Thing I stole
from the old Lizard.." The Setter slowly grinned. "I'm Glad You are on Our
Side.."

The End

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Pooka (Fool's Challenge) is Copyright by Tom Verre

Pooka Can be found in The Furkindred - A Shared World