From Tapestries MUCK

Consent Out Of Character (OOC) is a cornerstone principle of Role-Playing (RP) on Tapestries Muck. This is especially important on a system where BDSM (Bondage Domination Sadism Masochism) and other RP may include In Character (IC) or in-scene representations of non-consensual behavior. As such, communicating OOCly to establish and maintain consent for such forms of play is critical.

Safeword

When you feel a desire to step back from play, you need to be able to make it clear that you're not just making token protests that are part of the fun: you need a clear way to communicate to the other people you're playing with that they need to stop what they're doing with you.

In a Real Life (RL) BDSM game/scene, the way to indicate that something is not part of the game is to use your "Safeword". A Safeword is a word you set aside to mean "Stop, we need to talk as equals and/or stop play."

On Tapestries the word "Safeword" itself is recognized MUCK-wide by everyone, much as it would in a RL public play space. Failure to respect Safeword is a violation of this policy and could lead to your ejection from Tapestries. We consider this a very important concept to insure RL consent between players.

Another commonly used form of Safeword is the Green, Yellow, Red form, derived from traffic lights. Green means go on, go harder. Yellow means, slow down, do something different, and Red means Stop, like Safeword described above.

If your new to this sort of play it is strongly suggested you look at soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm FAQ.

Another useful toolkit -- which aren't available IRL -- are commands that allow OOC communication alongside the RP/scene. This can be used as a way to course-correct play before having to stop or pause it to negotiate. The whisper and page commands both can be used for this, and when doing so it is advisable you prefix text with "OOC" to make it clear that the communication is from you, the player. The ooc command will making a public posting that identifies the text as OOC automatically.

Coercion and Retaliation

It's important that when you choose to engage in play, you make that choice because it's something you want to do, not because you feel forced into that play because you're trying to avoid negative consequences. We strongly encourage clear and mutually respectful OOC discussions between players about their expectations and desires, and we understand that players may part ways if those expectations and desires are fundamentally incompatible.

However, under no circumstances may users make threats to compel another player to engage in RP or other conduct of any kind (including the free association with other users), nor may they retaliate against another player for doing so. This includes, but is not limited to:

• the threat or act of harming oneself.
• the threat or act of harming another.
• the threat or act of harming the victim's reputation.
• the threat or act of using any granted administrative powers against the victim.
• the threat of toading one's character.
• manipulative guilt-tripping / emotional blackmail.
• playing the victim (victim playing / DARVO). DARVO is an acronym for:
  • D – Deny: The person completely denies their behavior or refutes the facts when confronted ("I never said that" or "That didn't happen").
  • A – Attack: They attack the credibility, intelligence, or character of the person confronting them to divert attention ("You are just crazy," "You're too sensitive," or "You always try to ruin things").
  • RVO – Reverse Victim and Offender: They switch roles entirely, positioning themselves as the true mistreated party while manipulating the actual victim into feeling like the aggressor. By the end of the conversation, the victim is often the one apologizing.
• Gaslighting. Common tactics include:
  • Countering: Questioning the victim's memory of events ("You have a terrible memory").
  • Withholding: Refusing to listen or pretending not to understand ("I'm not listening to this again").
  • Trivializing: Making the victim's feelings seem unimportant ("You're overreacting").
  • Forgetting/Denial: Pretending to forget things that happened or denying promises made ("I never agreed to that").
• the threat of no longer playing in the same places as the victim.
• threatening to get the wizards or zone administration to punish the victim.

While it may be difficult from a single incident to establish that a behavior is the sort of coercion detailed here if it is, or a pattern of behavior that is observed demonstrates it, the offending user is likely to be removed with out notice. Consent is not optional on Tapestries.